My virgin experience

Well, my virgin X-Box Live experience wasn’t as castrating as my buddy Powerpuff’s was, but it definitely was a wake up call. I’ve been gaming since the Atari 2600 days and consider myself a pretty dedicated gamer. I take pride in "thinking" that I can play at a higher level than a good percentage of the gamers out there. Of course, a large percentage of gamers today are casual gamers who play to kill some time and enjoy the pretty visuals and don’t really appreciate the true art of gaming. They can find enjoyment in a game such as Narc, but they take one look at a gem like Ico and they just don’t "get" it. Anyway, now that I’ve alienated and insulted probably 75% of the gamers out there, back to my first X-Box Live experience.

I was one of the millions waiting in line at midnight to pick up my shiny new copy of Halo 2. I squealed like a girl when I got my hands on the shiny tin case of the Collector’s Edition and I sat doe-eyed in the dark upon firing it up for the first time. Anyway, fast forward a few weeks and I had beaten the game on Legendary, I was at the top of my game....except I had not played on Live yet. What can I say, I had no DSL at home.

Along with my lack of DSL, I was also short on friends who are gamers who live in close proximity to me to enjoy the great multiplayer aspects of the game. So once I finally made the trek over to my friend’s house to try it out on Live for the first time, although I was a master at taking down multiple Elites on Legendary, I was about to find out that those skills will do you little good when playing on Live.

The first game starts and my heart is racing a million miles a minute. We’re playing team capture the flag on Zanzibar...and I realize I barely know this map. Hell, I barely know any of the multiplayer maps. I proceed to get my ass handed to me. Over and over again. What’s wrong? What happened to my skillz!!! I’ll tell you what happened, they are ABSOLUTELY USELESS IN MULTIPLAYER!!! Live requires an entirely different approach to the game....one that apparently the 12 year old girl that abused my buddy has and I lack!! After a few games I realize that I am in over my head. I need to regroup. I need to learn the maps, the weapon placements, the secret pathways....everything, before I continue watching my Spartan’s character model get tossed around the map, body limp and contorted as it slams into a wall 20 feet away after getting blown away by the rocket launcher (which I couldn’t find for the life of me) for the 13th time in a row.

So, my tips to any Halo 2 Live newbie out there are:

1 - Expect to encounter cheaters. Lots and lots of cheaters.

2 - For the love of God, play PLENTY of multiplayer with your friends before you take the plunge into the chaotic fragfest that is Live

3 - Record yourself saying every cuss word you know, then play it back repeatedly while you sleep to prepare you for what you will hear once you start playing on-line.

4 - And lastly, be prepared to lose to high-pitched, pre-adolescents who sport more skills than you could attain in a lifetime.

Peace out.